letters · from · a · small · town

I just retracted a bid on eBay for a lovely taxidermy deer head. Frank says we cannot afford it. Shame, it would have looked nice above the couch.

Received some peculiar e-mails today, one said:

CHRISTIAN FAMILYLOANS.COM
Important Information for Christian Family Homeowners Only!

My Jewish neighbor could not access this site.

Then I received a mail asking if I want to meet black singles in the area. I clicked -- sure -- but I don't think there are any.

Here is a picture of Whimsy at college! I think she looks happy.

Last night the lights went out during the storm, we needed rain but we also needed lights. The flashlight batteries were rusty but we had candles. We ate by candlelight and called Whimsy, her roommate said she was at a game but then we heard laughing in the background.

There's an antique fair on Route 5, Dot and I may go to see if we can find curtains for the attic, now that Whimsy is gone we can replace those dark dark shades.

There's a recipe for meatballs in Reader's Digest, I wonder what would happen if I used moth balls instead of meat, just to see Frank's face. He loves that old joke: "Have you ever smelled moth balls? How'd you get their tiny little legs apart?" I used to laugh to humor him, now I don't even bother. He just talks to hear his own voice anyways.

This morning I was threatened by a German man and it scared the living bejeezus out of me. He is a faceless man who lives in the computer but still I know what those Germans are like.

I saw a lovely shirt for Frank and I got so excited I hit the "bid" button without even thinking, and that money was part of Whimsy's text book fund. Not that she reads them anyway.

So I thought he would forget about the payment but no siree bob, he sent me this, probably in between bites of bratwürst:


Dear eBay member,
It's been 3 weeks since you won my auction and you haven't sent the payment yet. I will report you to the police and to eBay right away. You will receive a non paying bidder report and your eBay account will be suspended imediately. You are a bad person and you deserve this. Bye bye.


Can you see the German police and their crazy German Shepherd dogs out to get some rickety old woman in Oklahoma because she didn't pay for a shirt on eBay? I guess I'm not surprised by anything these days.

This morning Basil next door told me Injuns used to live around here. Where did they all go? It's so peculiar. But I think I would be afraid if I saw one - or at least I would have my reservations. Get it? Reservations?

The moths got to the afghan Myrtle made. Even though it was in moth balls. Next time I will get them at Target and not Stop 'n' Shop. They can't do anything right, even basics like cold slaw.

The price of cigarettes has gone up another 8¢, now they are $4.35 that makes cartons $43.50, I added it up. Whimsy said to send a few cartons. I frankly do not know if she is worth the extra 8¢. I will ask Frank. Of course I am kidding, she is worth at least 10¢.

Just read an interesting story in the Daily Herald. There is a bicycle theif at large who only steals stationary bikes because he is agoraphobic. We have an old dusty one in the basement that was Whimsy's but quite frankly he can have it.

Was stirred from my slumber by a strange noise, it was just a loose branch brushing against the window from the desert winds. I could not go back to sleep, I took a benadryl (Dr. Monaghan says that is okay) and looked at baby pictures of Whimsy.

She finally phoned, was relieved that she is okay. She said: send money and sheets, with flowers if at all possible. Frank and i will go to the post office today and send her what's left in our Whimsy fund but once it is gone it's gone and I will have to relay that information to her.

Lost at cards yesterday. Frank says there is always the next time.

Early this morning the heavens opened up and it rained, it seemed like a message from God. Frank said: No, it's just rain.

Playing cards later with the girls, Sally is bringing potato salad and I hope she puts less mayonaise in it this time. Last time I was sick for days and did not have the heart to tell her.

We gave Whimsy a phone card and still no word, I hope she's managing well on her first day of classes. Maybe Billy's heard something.

We need to go to the store to get a new shower curtain the other one is ghastly. That got me thinking I may redecorate the whole room - I was imaginaing purples and yellow, those were Harriet's favorites.

The sun's not up yet and I'm already picking at leftover glazed ham in the refrigerator, the pineapple is congealed but it still tastes lovely. I think it was one of my best and everyone loves it even Frank and he's so picky!

I have an ache in my heel, Frank says it's nothing but I fear that I'm dying, Frank said: You are. We all are.

That said, I should go visit Harriet's grave today and bring sunflowers she always loved them. I miss her but at the same time I don't, she always won at poker and quite frankly, I simply couldn't afford to have her around anymore. God forgive me.

Whimsy is off to college (she's the first in the family, Frank and I are so proud!) We gave her a big tin of popcorn for her and her new friends, the kind that's split into four sections: caramel corn, halapeno, cheddar and standard butter. I hope she enjoys it I know how hungry kids can get.

I think I learn a lot from sudoku, maybe that should be a college course.

A lot of people say life thrives in spring, but I thrive in October and that's only a month away.

Squash and burning wood and candy corn, the start of school and yellow buses, children playing football. My heart is full of the season but for now I should tend to dinner the kids are coming.